New invention idea: vibrating tampons
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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