I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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