Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
