By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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