plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
