No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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