My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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