you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
