ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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