I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
