operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
