He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
