i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
