worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
