I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
