Sober January is a disaster.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
