It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
