You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize