im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
