Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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