Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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