I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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