thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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