If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
