the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
