I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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