am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
