Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is my gift to your gina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
