Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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