i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
