Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
