what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this boner is exhausting
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
