you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
