I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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