Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
