drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
