Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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