That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
