I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
