I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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