Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
