he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
