I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
