I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
