He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
