Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
