addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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