I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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