Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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