you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
where am i from again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
