he puts the penis in happiness.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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