As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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