Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
