i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
