I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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