You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
