I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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