Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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