I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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