why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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