This is not my ceiling
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
