I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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