Nicole vs. Life
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize