my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
