I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
