i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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