Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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