Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize