Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
