I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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