So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
