I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
