just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
