The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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