I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
