I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
