the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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