I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
