What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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