I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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