My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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