Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
