Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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